What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you." 1 Corinthians 5:9-13
Paul drew a clear distinction between our behaviour toward the immoral people inside and outside the church. We must associate with those outside the church. Christ called us to love sinners, not judge them.
Outside the church. Many years after my parents divorced, a woman moved in with my father. I continued my previous close relationship with my dad and began to befriend his new roommate. My mother complained, "Isn't visiting him just condoning the relationship?" But I explained that he knew very well I did not approve of his sin. However, I could not expect to be a good influence if I stopped loving him. If I cut off our relationship, I would have no chance to demonstrate the love of Christ.
Consider your own condition before believing in Christ. Perhaps you did not participate in any gross immoralities. Yet what if no Christian had cared for you due to your faults? How would you ever have heard about Christ?
Take for example a coworker who is homosexual. We'll call him Scott. If you project a condemning attitude toward homosexuality, Scott will never listen to your words of witness. However, if you love Scott as a person as God does, you may help him gain Christ. You may have an opportunity to share with him that you believe homosexuality to be immoral, but be sure your comments fall on friendship, and they may be heard.
We can't expect people without Christ to live by biblical morals. Many people seem to manage, but without the Holy Spirit, biblical principles prove difficult to follow. Our concern should be that our unbelieving friends find Christ, then the morality should follow. Trying to change a person's homosexual, drug, or drinking habits, or other such drastic life changes often requires the redeeming action of Christ. Don't expect the change to come before the conversion.
Paul reminded the Corinthians to continue to associate with the immoral people of the world. Jesus modeled this as he socialized with the disreputable people of his day, such as tax collectors and prostitutes. We must befriend those around us who do not yet know Christ.
Many people you work with, live by, or associate with may participate in activities you are strongly opposed to as a Christian. This may curtail the extent of your friendship because you must refuse to drink, gamble, or cheat with them. Certainly, you should not compromise your own values for the sake of the relationship.
However, you can concentrate on activities that avoid value conflicts, such as having lunch together, playing a game of golf, or spending a day shopping. Find activities you both enjoy that contain no compromises. Build your relationship on these positive experiences. During such moments you may find opportunity to discuss your beliefs. If an issue does arise, be sure to state your views without condemning your friend. Simply state what you believe to be right according to the Bible. Allow the Bible to be the authority, not you.
Most of all, pray for opportunities to share your faith in Christ. Remember, sharing Christ benefits your friend more than sharing values. With Christ will come the values. Ask yourself, Do I have any non-Christian friends I am cultivating a relationship with? Am I open to opportunities to share my faith? Do I share my values when asked?
Inside the church. On the other hand, Paul instructed quite differently concerning those within the church. Persons claiming Christ must refrain from immorality. Paul had asked the Corinthians to expel a brother who had been warned previously concerning sinful actions. Later Paul instructed the church to readmit the repentant brother.
Christians must exhibit integrity. We must act according to our stated beliefs. As members of the church, we are accountable to one another. When a member lives in sin, the church must confront that person. Jesus taught this in Luke 17:3. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." We are called to confront and to forgive.
Both confrontation and forgiveness cause us difficulty. We prefer telling someone else, complaining, and gossiping. Jesus explained in Matthew 18:15-17 that we are to confront the person alone, then with others. If we love our fellow Christians we will confront them, especially if we are directly affected.
Therefore, if a man in our church moves in with his girlfriend, we have a responsibility to remind him of the immorality of this action. If a woman cheats on her husband, we are called to speak to her. Hopefully, a loving word will bring repentance.
Sadly, once the person repents, we often have even more difficulty forgiving. We can't seem to forget that someone committed adultery or stole from the church treasury. Despite what we say, our minds still hold their sin against them. A new Christian admits struggling with homosexuality, and we never trust him again. Our divorced friend wears a certain stigma due to her failure.
The essence of Christianity is mercy. God forgives, forgets, and makes all things new. Even sins committed after a conversion are forgivable, and no sin rates worse than any other. If God can forgive my selfishness, he can forgive my friend's divorce. In the midst of sin, we must confront, but after repentance, we must forgive and renew.
Consider how you can enter a ministry of forgiveness. Look around your church. Are there people left out due to a past divorce, homosexuality, adultery, or just because they don't measure up? Think about ways you can include these people in your life and help them feel accepted.
The seekers. Between those outside and inside the church fall a third group: those people searching for Christ. They lie somewhere between the beginning of a spiritual awakening and a full public commitment to Christ. During this process, they require much patience.
Some persons have an instant conversion experience. Others evolve slowly into Christians. In both groups are people who immediately make a total life change, ceasing any immoral activity and beginning new Christian habits. Yet some people struggle with changes and revisions.
Every person's journey demonstrates different direction. We can't expect everyone to change instantly. We must be patient and ask God to guide the person to change what is necessary.
A couple in my Bible study were living together. They were committed strongly to each other; in fact, the man had quit his job to move when the woman was transferred. Both had been previously married and did not choose to remarry.
As they continued to attend the Bible study, God began to work a change in their lives. I prayed that God would lead them to get married, and before long they announced their wedding plans. God convicted them; I didn't say a word.
Often we must simply be patient and allow the Holy Spirit to lead people to change. However, sometimes people do require guidance from other Christians. One excellent opportunity arises when they choose to join the local church. Most churches have some sort of instruction and examination procedure. Such a time allows the pastor to ask about certain areas of their lives that may need correction.
If people continue in their sin after a period of time, they fall into the "inside the church" category and may need to be spoken to accordingly. However, we must remember to be patient with new believers. God knows better than we how much they can change at once. If they are open to his Spirit he will instruct them. We should pray for their openness and obedience.
The value of the value. Finally, sometimes when our values collide, we must consider what the value is. The Bible makes clear statements on immorality. However, some values remain less crucial, such as personal habits of dress or entertainment. Television may be shunned by some and lauded by others. Stylish clothes may be required by some peoples' professions and avoided by others due to a desire for simplicity.
Some values are personal and not clearly dictated by Scripture. These matters may be discussed openly yet should not cause friction between persons, in or out of the church.
When our values collide with another person's, we must consider the weight of the conflict. If the matter is crucial, we need to remember the other person's spiritual state. We must continue to love the other person despite all other factors. If we would pray for them instead of complaining, we might find a resolution, if only within ourselves.
Kathy Callahan-Howell